Cami's Online Journal

I wanna take the test again!

2005-12-14T11:49:02Z

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey (a few months later)

Name: Cami
Birthday: Sept. 21
Birthplace: Torrance, CA
Current Location: Torrance, CA
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Brown w/ highlights
Height: 5'5"
Right Handed or Left Handed: right
Your Heritage: Chinese, Dutch, German and more
The Shoes You Wore Today: socks, then stiletto heels (not together)
Your Weakness: trying to help the un-help-able; dogs
Your Fears: car wrecks
Your Perfect Pizza: Rizzo's
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Oh no; I plead the 5th
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: OMG
Thoughts First Waking Up: OMG what, are there like TEN dogs barking???
Your Best Physical Feature: Hair right now, just cut it
Your Bedtime: anytime from midnight to 6 a.m.
Your Most Missed Memory: I guess, like, all of 2002
Pepsi or Coke: Coke (diet)
MacDonalds or Burger King: MacD's but I don't do fast food anymore
Single or Group Dates: What IS a group date? SINGLE please.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: whatever
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: capp.
Do you Smoke: NO
Do you Swear: Are you fucking kidding?
Do you Sing: Did you really ask that?
Do you Shower Daily: 2x usually
Have you Been in Love: With what?
Do you want to go to College: I did and I want to go back again
Do you want to get Married: I dunno. If he stays SORTA the same as when I met him. At least a LITTLE.
Do you believe in yourself: Yesssss
Do you get Motion Sickness: yeah
Do you think you are Attractive: That's a loaded question
Are you a Health Freak: sometimes
Do you get along with your Parents: yes
Do you like Thunderstorms: NO
Do you play an Instrument: voice
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: whadysay?
In the past month have you Smoked: NO
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Doctor's orders
In the past month have you gone on a Date: I suppose they were dates
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: God yes, and I wanted to go home and use Amazon instead
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: YES
In the past month have you been on Stage: YES
In the past month have you been Dumped: I don't THINK so...
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no ... WHERE??? It's FREEZING!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: nothing that was wanted
Ever been Drunk: why, yes
Ever been called a Tease: I guess
Ever been Beaten up: not beaten up, that's not the word
Ever Shoplifted: NO
How do you want to Die: in my sleep
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Um...... able to pay all my bills and save for my future
What country would you most like to Visit: China or Netherlands
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: don't care
Favourite Hair Color: dark blonde or darker
Short or Long Hair: short
Height: 5'8"-6'0"
Weight: not too skinny, not fat, not meathead muscle boy
Best Clothing Style: surfer or meterosexual
Number of Drugs I have taken: 387
Number of CDs I own: 563
Number of Piercings: ears
Number of Tattoos: 0
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Um. One? TWO.

"Go to school and get a real job."

2005-12-14T11:32:24Z

That is what a random said to me today. I am sure a lot of my friends/family THINK that. This is what I said:

"Been there, done that. Two degrees from a TOP UC. Did the corporate thing. Hated it. Started a company.... ended it. Got in a car wreck, can't do that much for awhile except stand around looking pretty... I'm in the process of starting my second business, or getting it going more, actually. In the meantime, fun + money are fine with me.

"Why suffer? But if you wanna be in the corporate rat race and make $11/hr (or less) from
8-faint, then go ahead. I, on the other hand, prefer to take care of myself by NOT being a peon at some factory... I might work weird hours and have somewhat unstable income right now, but I am pretty sure I make as much as - if not more than - a lot of people I went to college with who work in "real jobs." God kill me if I ever have to do the "real job" thing again, full-time...

"With what I make now, WHEN I make a lot more than I thought I would I put it away. I always manage to make ends meet. Even when there is NOT extra, I put aside for when I am old. I plan to save it up, and hopefully I won't have to work till I die like the rest of America will have to. Anyone who doesn't start getting creative right about now will be fuggin living in a trailer till age 90. The country's going to hell, and I am not going to get stuck begging by the side of the road like you might. Sorry, but it's true. The only well-to-do people I know NOW are people who got creative a long time ago or they were lucky and born rich."

That's it. I get sick of defending the randomness of my job(s), but I stop and look at the big picture and I am not unhappy. Everyone working in MOST offices seems so bleak and stuck in cubicles. The right side of my brain would melt if I had to do that ever again.

FINALLY - update

2005-12-06T12:07:38Z

hey, I am getting a TON of emails asking where the hell I am... well
for those who don't know, I must have swallowed a magnet because I
seem to have crashed three computers just but sitting next to them in
the past couple weeks... and I KNOW computers so I didn't do anything
to screw them up... oy vey, what a mess.

So work with me here!

I'm also still not really working any sort of steady job due do to my
messed-up back (but I AM getting better treatment for it!!!!) so I am
doing odd jobs, freelancing, modeling, acting, singing, voiceovers,
whatever, to pay my bills until this damn settlement is over or until
i can handle working.

In any case, I am still starting up a couple companies and we are
working on those. GOD I never want to work corporate again unless I
OWN the corporation...

So that's where I have been - actually WORKING instead of posting
about it and trying to fix three computers, essentially.

That's all folks! :) happy holidays, ttyl!!!
Cami
www.cami.net
www.myspace.com/cami
www.sonicbids.com/camisolo

Yes I am alive

2005-10-11T15:40:14Z

Just busy!

http://www.camio.net/candids.html check them out, for viewing and sale.

Another survey

2005-09-25T01:12:20Z

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Cami
Birthday:	Sept. 21
Birthplace:	Torrance, CA
Current Location:	Torrance, CA
Eye Color:	Brown
Hair Color:	Brown w/ highlights
Height:	5'5"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	Chinese, Dutch, German and more
The Shoes You Wore Today:	socks
Your Weakness:	guilt, insomnia, puppies
Your Fears:	guilt, insomnia, walking on grass, & fast/drastic changes!
Your Perfect Pizza:	Rizzo's
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Shoot.... not much left in this year huh? Uh, get that trance song released in Germany and FINALLY have a WHOLE BAND
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	OMG
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Did I sleep?
Your Best Physical Feature:	Hair right now for some reason
Your Bedtime:	anytime from midnight to 6 a.m.
Your Most Missed Memory:	aw geez.... too many
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke (diet)
MacDonalds or Burger King:	MacD's but I don't do fast food anymore
Single or Group Dates:	fuck dates
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	whatever
Chocolate or Vanilla:	vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	capp.
Do you Smoke:	NO
Do you Swear:	FUCK YEAH
Do you Sing:	FUCK YEAHHHHHH (singing it)
Do you Shower Daily:	2x usually
Have you Been in Love:	SHUT UP YOU STUPID MOCKING MOFO SURVEY!
Do you want to go to College:	I did and I want to go back again
Do you want to get Married:	AGAIN WITH THE MOCKING, SURVEY! not answering
Do you belive in yourself:	Sure, I beleive some thing about myself
Do you get Motion Sickness:	yeah
Do you think you are Attractive:	YES, so where are the guys....damn lazy no good....
Are you a Health Freak:	sometimes
Do you get along with your Parents:	yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:	NO
Do you play an Instrument:	voice
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	HAHHAHHA!! every day since I was 21 really
In the past month have you Smoked:	NO
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Doctor's orders
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes, bad ones
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Amazon.com
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	YES
In the past month have you been on Stage:	YES
In the past month have you been Dumped:	SHUT UP YOU STUPID GOOD-FOR-NOTHING SURVEY!!!
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	why, yes
Ever been called a Tease:	YES, and not sure why
Ever been Beaten up:	ummmm.... not beaten up no why?
Ever Shoplifted:	NO
How do you want to Die:	in my sleep
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Um...... able to pay all my bills and save for my future
What country would you most like to Visit:	China
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	don't care
Favourite Hair Color:	dark blonde or darker
Short or Long Hair:	short
Height:	5'8"-6'0"
Weight:	not too skinny, not fat, not meathead muscle boy
Best Clothing Style:	surfer or meterosexual
Number of Drugs I have taken:	God, let me start with the prescriptions when I was 2 years old...
Number of CDs I own:	400
Number of Piercings:	ears
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	quite a few but maybe will one day make sense
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

"Someone Else"

2005-09-23T10:20:02Z

"Someone Else"
Cami, 2005 - being produced with Hydgerize the band

1) You try to run
You try to hide
You try to lie
When I force the truth inside
You lie to yourself
I have proof you’re someone else

Chorus:
Don’t try to tell me
that I’m too crazy to believe
What you said
You told me
Not so long ago, ohhh
I still know

2) I thought maybe
I really was going crazy
You made me believe
It until
I won’t let you lie to me
I have proof you don’t want to see

Chorus:
Don’t try to tell me
that I’m too crazy to believe
What you said
You told me
Not so long ago, ohhh
I still know

Bridge:
Hide yourself
Among ones who
Comfort you and
Tell you I’m always wrong
But you let yourself forget
I’m too strong

3) You can hide
you can fly
away late into the night
when I force you
to run inside
you lie to yourself
I have proof you’re someone else

Chorus:
Don’t try to tell me
that I’m too crazy to believe
What you said
You told me
Not so long ago, ohhh
I still know

"What's His Name"

2005-09-16T08:19:30Z

FINE. EVERYONE's a critic. I'm leaving the lryics up though... they're good!

Before I Go To Sleep
(Words and Music By Andy Hill)

We tiptoe around each other's attitude
Yeah, we test each other sometimes
Mostly we're careful, careful not to cross the line
But I can see the day's comin'
Yeah I see it comin' fast
When we stop dressin' up the emperor
Put all this in the past
Hey, hey, hey

I guess I'll pack my things in the morning
When your car leaves the garage
We'll avoid the confrontation
Yeah, we'll call it a mirage
Later on we'll talk of pros and cons
Like it was just another deal
Maybe when we're both a little older
We'll admit this was for real

Chorus:
Now I've got eyelids like sandbags once again
And I'm tired of the same old fight
And I swear I'm gonna make a decision
Before I go to sleep tonight
hey, hey, hey

Yeah we know each other all too well
I see some of me in you
I had to admire your strategy
As I felt the blow that pierced me through and through
Like a killer first flashes his weapon
So you feel the whole thing twice
You held my past before me like I hadn't lived through it already
Thanks for the advice

Chorus:
Now I've got eyelids like sandbags once again
And I'm tired of the same old fight
And I swear I'm gonna make a decision
Before I go to sleep tonight
hey, hey, hey

Now the sun's goin' down just like a cannonball
In the darkness my bed looks like a leghold trap
My eyelids are showin' the same old horror flick
And my thoughts drip into my slumber just like a leaky tap
And there's a lot of talk here of morals
I may not have followed mine to the letter
You never so much as tested yours
At least I know myself better

and song #2:

Sleep Now Heart
(Andy Hill)

Sleep now heart
Hush your beating
What you can, you've done
It's late, she's leaving
Go back inside, you'll be so much safer then.

Weep not eyes
Draw your shades
Time turns tides
Memory fades
Just don't watch her go, again, and again, and again

No, restless toungue
Not one more word
Of love dying young
Your voice is unheard
From this moment on
You have nothing left to defend

Body imperfect
Your flaw was your freedom
But you were no serpent to this flower of Eden
Too late though for changes
Upon which you grew to depend

Silence my soul
Lay down your thunder
You must let her go
Hand in hand with your hunger
The ghost at the gate
Says it's much too late to pretend
The ghost at the gate
Says it's much too late to pretend
Oh, the ghost at the gate
Says it's much too late to pretend
To pretend she still loves you.

Yay - band has a name AND please buy my crap cuz I'm giving all proceeds to Red Cross

2005-09-03T13:37:50Z

We have a name "HYDGERIZE" (Hide Your Eyes) for the baned! http://www.myspace.com/southbaylaband

And we just did a concert tonight and gave 100% proceeds to Red Cross and Habitat for Humanity for the hurricane victims.

As a solo artist I would like to do so too...

http://www.cami.net/music.html for links to buy my CDs

and

http://www.cafepress.com/cami my promo items - photos, posters, more

Or you can make a donation in my/our name, send me the proof, and receive an autographed CD or poster directly from me.

I was in a class-4 hurricane in Cabo (Juliet?) in 2001 and was scared to death but it was nothing like this one.

I hope you can help!!!

Thank you.

Cami

Um... I think this one's wrong...

2005-09-01T10:16:56Z

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.
You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.
You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!
A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Blues and Trance Music???

2005-09-01T08:42:36Z

I borrowed this from one of my "friends" journals here on Live Journal.

Okay, so I have come to realize I really like blues. I was calling it cabaret, big band, or other stuff before, but it's blues! I guess I really got this when I wrote like 20 blues songs and they came out like water, no strain at all.

So I looked up blues, because I wanted to learn some covers, and I ALSO wanted to know why I reacted to it like it was TRANCE music. I react similarly to Tori Amos or Depeche Mode for that matter - they have a lot of piano and meaningful lyrics, a lot of the time, but are also sung from the soul/gut.

{ASIDE: I mean, I was so happy listening/singing along to Tracy Chapman's CD n my car that I gave a bum $5! He screamed, "Five dollars MAKES ME HOLLER!!!" And danced around. The only other time I gave more than some change to a bum was when I was driving back from an incredible night/morning of clubbing to hard-trance, and I gave a bum $10(!!!!) dollars. what? He had a cold doggie who was visibly wind-blown and I can read dog... every time that bum left his site he got that sad-eyed look. So I figured the bum wasn't beating the dog or the dog would refuse to look at him and would probably be mean, all submissive, or run the hell away - he wasn't chained up. Anyway, so I "read" the dog, gave the guy $10, and I told him it was for the doggie. Fine, I fed his booze addiction too but whatever. The dog looked well-fed. I don't feel bad about give those $15 bucks away cuz I've FOUND a lot of $$ too. Oh and I think I have $1 to a lady after I heard a lot of trance too. END ASIDE}

ANYWAY. So here is what I found about BLUES:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blues - this was very interesting. Too long to print here. But THIS was interesting: "Most blues dance moves are inspired by traditional blues dancing. Although usually done to blues music, it can be done to any slow tempoed 4/4 music, including 'club' music." Eh?

So then of course I looked up trance and house which everyone should read to understand the different between the two (three):

Trance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trance_music

House: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_music

Well, I really am partial to trance... I like HARD-HOUSE and vocal house, but most of it is too slow and monotonous for me.

I guess the repetitiveness of blues and the feeling behind me makes me feel the same as when I hear trance or Tori Amos or Depeche Mode.

Neat, huh? I think it's neat.

Maybe I'll be the only trance/blues singer in world. Well, Moby MIXED blues samples into his electronica (which sounds great of course).

So there. I have justified my connection between trance and blues. Somehow.

Songwriting stuff

2005-08-27T13:47:57Z

We went to see Andy and Renee and Hard Rain play at Cinegrill... and they were kicked out! No one knows why, they were in sound check and there was some mistake and they had to go... the second band had to go too. So... we all went to Andy's house and stayed till 2 a.m. listening to them play right there! It was WAY better than a concert. They probably played songs they liked more and they had a few friends sing (who also co-wrote some songs with them.)

One guy was like the best blues singer I have ever heard, swear to god. Not that I know a lot of blues. But I was really glad I had that strange blues-writing binge a few weeks ago... because I can work with those songs a little, maybe.

The other musicians were amazing too. No one was ever off-key and everything was like, CD-perfect. I have no idea how people who cannot hold a tune at ALL get major record deals (unless they have a "look," but there are tons of signed bands/singers with no great image and they aren't that good. WTH are they doing on the radio when I hear so much better talent from many unsigned bands/singers...?)

Andy and Renee both did some AWESOME piano songs I can't remember the names of but I'll find them, they were SO good.

And honest to go the blues stuff had me "chair-dancing" and pumping my arm like it was hard-house or hard-trance (instead of Hard Rain, hah hah) or something. I guess I've liked blues but didn't know what it was really and didn't seek it out. I called it "cabaret-style" if it was just a woman singing solo, and I have mainly heard JAZZ instead of blues. Jazz I am iffy about. It has to be mellow or a female singer. I don't like the cacophonic improv stuff... I know, it's an acquired taste (like trance).

Some was also country and SORRY GUYS but I like it. I don't know why everyone hates country. Maybe because I really never heard it till a couple years ago...I wasn't raised on it. I like the lyrics in country, and folk. I don't think I am that good of a songwriter to wrote lyrics for country or folk really, yet. They tell a story really well, and when I try (yeah, I am technically a beginner though I've been at it for a few years, many styles of songwriting) I write, it happens or doesn't. And often it is too obscure, symbolic, and just a different genre. Like, the blues stuff was easy for me to at least gt down on paper. Punk I can also write pretty well. Haven't tried writing musicals/Disney-style stuff yet. Pop - OK. Rock - OK. Trance - depends on a lot of things. I CANNOT write good "cheesy pop" (y'know), R&B, or Celine Dion ballad styles. Just doesn't flow out of me, and I like to feel like I am chanelling a song when I write, not forcing it.

I've read books, known the basics since I was 13 and have been writing since then (but just in the past few years got serious with it), and I go to the critique forums but EVERYONE's got something different to say... same in classes. So I sorta listen to some of it and some I don't. You can't please everyone (or I won't TRY to, actually. Like, I could never write Britney Spears' style except maybe soomethng like "Everytime." I also love "Only Your Shadow," but Lauren Christy wrote it - part of the Matrix trio - and she also wrote and sang "Walk This Earth Alone." It's little-known and hauntingly gut-wrenching, from the "Great Expectations" Soundtrack.)

I write closer to Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, Evanescence, etc. I dunno. Or basic stuff that can be several different genres.

The trance I REALLY like normally only has like a verse and chorus, not a lot, but it has to be very unique wording. One of my faves basically just says, "I feel those days so close to me, pulling me home, when I will hold you so near to me again, I'm coming home." (I might have mixed up a couple words, but that's how I sing it.) It's "Home" by Coast-2-Coast. My songs are more DANCE/trance, commercial trance.

And the non-trance, non-folk/blues/country I like have weird, personal, cryptical lyrics that can be interpreted differently by anyone - like Tori Amos, Muse, Depeche Mode, (new) Sting, Evanescence again. (And t.A..T.u. actually - trance again. Shut up. I like their lyrics for some reason, most give me chills.)

Anyway, I thought I'd end by posting these Bob Dylan lyric which I THOUGHT I posted here but I guess not:

I want to sing it. Wish I WROTE it.

Bob Dylan - Masters of War

Come you masters of war
You that build the big guns
You that build the death planes
You that build all the bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks

You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly

Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain

You fasten all the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
While the death count gets higher
Then you hide in your mansion
As young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud

You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins

How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I'm young
You might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know
Though I'm younger than you
Even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do

Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul

And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead

Johnny Cash Song

2005-08-24T19:31:34Z

Well, that sums it up (anyone wanna be in my band?):

There once was a musical troupe
A pickin' singin' folk group
They sang the mountain ballads
And the folk songs of our land
They were long on musical ability
Folks thought they would go far
But political incompatibility led to their downfall

Well, the one on the right was on the left
And the one in the middle was on the right
And the one on the left was in the middle
And the guy in the rear was a Methodist

This musical aggregation toured the entire nation
Singing the traditional ballads
And the folk songs of our land
They performed with great virtuosity
And soon they were the rage
But political animosity prevailed upon the stage

Well, the one on the right was on the left
And the one in the middle was on the right
And the one on the left was in the middle
And the guy in the rear burned his driver's license

Well the curtain had ascended
A hush fell on the crowd
As thousands there were gathered to hear The folk songs of our land
But they took their politics seriously
And that night at the concert hall
As the audience watched deliriously
They had a free-for-all

Well, the one on the right was on the bottom
And the one in the middle was on the top
And the one on the left got a broken arm
And the guy in the rear, said, Oh dear

Now this should be a lesson if you plan to start a folk group
Don't go mixin' politics with the folk songs of our land
Just work on harmony and diction
Play your banjo well
And if you have political convictions keep them to yourself

Now, the one on the left works in a bank
And the one in the middle drives a truck
The one on the right's an all-night deejay
And the guy in the rear got drafted

JOAN BAEZ streaming live concert from Camp Casey

2005-08-24T01:19:20Z

I'm listening to it now!

Backwards schedule

2005-08-23T11:53:34Z

OK, I used to get up at this time to go to work, now I go to bed at this time. What? It's SO much easier to work at night - I get so much more done. Unfortunately, 90% of USA is the opposite. So I guess that means I should move to the other side of the globe and my sleep pattern will be in-sync right away with everyone else?

I can make myself sleep earlier. But a couple times a week i am working those promo jobs till like 5 a.m. and I can't switch sleep patterns in a matter of a few days so I end up sticking to one pattern. I don't know how people with weird shifts do it - like working graveyard one week and then starting in day time the next week, then they do a totally different shift.

Or constant globe-hoppers! My god! I'd die.

One more thing

2005-08-22T10:25:18Z

Last night i met the 2nd or 3rd Israeli soldier in the past few years... I can spot them fast. VERY friendly, VERY wasted, but not scary-wasted. This one was 24 and in the Israeli Army and has ike 1.5 yrs left or something. Was shot in the wrist - then in the heart. Which led to talk of god and a few of us said, you know, IF you believe in a creator...we right here all believe in the SAME "god" no matter what we call him/her/it. And he shook my hand on that. I actually said what i REALLY base my OWN belief of a creator on.... science. Yeah, some of you are like, huh?

NO I am not a Scientologist or Church of Science.

What I mean is, the more you learn about quantum physics, other dimensions and parallel universes (fight me on this but it's damn well proved - i.e. dark matter... what is it? Even if it is NOT proof that there is matter we don't see, as in other-dimension mater, there are hundreds of other TOP, NON-religious scientists who CANNOT explain away the presence of SOMETHING that MADE the laws of physics, rules or nature.

The ONLY opposing stance I have heard is that our brains are trained to see/hear/feel patterns in everything, and that leads us to believe in a creator.

But, why is that "god gene" even in our minds? We would survive as a species without a "god gene." Who/what put the "god gene" there? I love Darwin with all my heart, but not everything can be explained away as survival of the fittest. Or Freud's theory that we all just want food, sex, and to either give in to or avoid the desire to kill.

The Jewish soldier and I had no problems shaking hands and saying, we're way different, but my god is your god is his god is her god. (Unless they are agnostic atheiest, or satanists.)

The only thing i remember was that he liked Bush, and a few of us squirmed... but then, I look from his point of view - yes he has a reason to like Bush. I see that. No, I did not fight about it. I'm not in the Israeli Army and I will never be in the USA military. But for SURE I know why much of the world hates/despises/laughs-at/is-scared-of Bush.

OK lights out. No more talky.

Sorry, posted this all over, but cut&paste is so easy - MUSIC NEWS!

2005-08-22T09:31:14Z

Totally tootin my own horn here cuz I'm allowed to - trance news, band news, solo CD news...

Hey guys, wow, penicillin works, huh, LOL.

I am still hoarse but while I was sleeping, I hadn't noticed a few
things, which I also posted on my MSpace and Yahoo Group because... I'm lazy and like to copy/paste:

NEWS!

*Still talking to
Certified Music! http://www.certifiedmusic.com Catherine there is
an awesome remixer and singer/songwriter, so I am hoping she'll get
me into that group somehow. I'm already on their list of artists but
not much has happened.

*Come My Way remixes by Dj Hibotan and DJ Dor@n doing nicely
at AllMusicSource
http://www.allmusicsource.com/index.php?cPath=24_49_67
and released by
DashBoardMusic Label http://www.dashboardmusic.com/ in NYC
and getting great reviews... NOW YOU ALL GO BUY IT! It's $0.99 per
song! :) Or at least leave the DJs and me 5 stars! :)

*Major international label release for one of
my very first trance recordings in process...
I can only say it is a song I sang for DJ Square Bear
and I am CROSSING MY FINGERS this is the "club hit"
I've been dreaming about! :)

*Speaking with good local trance DJs about collaborating. Who
knows? It's worked before!

*My band changed its genre. We are now mainly classic-rock and blues-
rock covers which is cool with me. Several places want us for paid
gigs but we still need: drums, bass, and (hopefully) keys!

*Once or twice a year I have a songwriting rampage. Because my band
has been discussing rock-blues, somehow the more cabaret-style female
blues songs got into my head, and I have like 20. Before they were just lyrics and now they turned into real blues songs. I'd say I like 10
enough to produce - but I really just want a piano with them. Like
real cabaret, smoky old club kinda blues. I'm gonna see if I can do
that for my next solo Do-It-Yourself release, because then it would
kinda match my band's songs and I could sell it at shows. (Now I am
trying to sell trance songs when we are singing rock...) Plus, the
trance seems to be having a mind of its own, so I'll let it lead the
way for that at least, for awhile (instead of putting $$$ into
producing more trance tracks... when all I REALLY need are good
acappelas for DJs to build around.)

Speaking of which, I have been playing with GarageBand and Itunes and
have re-mastered a few songs, I THINK they sound better but all
computers are so different... it's fun though. Plus I've gotten so
used to retouching pics all day, I have also been scanning pics that
never made it to my site, so there will be new galleries soon. I
just had the urge to color-correct, erase scan lines, and retouch.

OK bed time, hope your weekend went well!!

Cami
www.cami.net

PS: I've been up over 24 hrs again. Hah hah, betcha can't do it.
Nah, it's just the penicillin, which is every 8 hrs, like, CORRODES my stomach so I just lay and wait it out. But since I don' have much to do, it doesn't really bother me to be tired this week and last.

What a difference Penicillin makes

2005-08-18T11:20:38Z

OK I'm still sick, but wow, I've never had real penicillin, only other antibiotics that really screwed my body up. (Well I'm ending the 2nd day, 8 more to go, I'll probably get sick from it too, by soon.) I feel a little better. I can sorta speak, enough to make the out-going message for my NEW CELL PHONE! Not all of its features work yet. As long as TEXTING works, I will be happy. I rarely actually TALK on my cell. I will be able to get the Web on it but it's slowwwwww. Texting is my favorite thing; faster and easier than phones or emails. I just love it.

I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone, usually because I am RIGHT in the middle of like 5 different things and a phone call just tears me out of "the zone" then I'm all A.D.D. and don't want to go back to what I was working on. At night I turn off all my ringers; sometimes I forget to turn them back on sometimes for two days... then I have all these voice mails I'm scared to listen to because people might be mad I didn't answer for so long.

Same with those damn emails. I just can't keep up, and most of them are not even serious or important once I delve a little deeper. I spend way too long on each message too. Like 3 messages can easily suck 3 hrs out of me.

So... I'm gonna have to sit my ass down one day very soon, maybe today or tomorrow if I'm not all sick and dizzy and stuff, and write back to all of them. Short, fast, SUCCINCT replies. THERE. That's my plan. SUCCINCT. I need make that my mantra.

Oh yeah, I do now have a friend helping me occasionally for when I am too sick to talk straight, or out of town, or working a super long graveyard shift, like i do once a week or more. She will be talking to MUSIC PEOPLE only, for me or the band, if there is immediate work involved and I am not able to speak to them just yet. People think I am just avoiding them or I am not interested, but usually I am not able to call or email when I am not replying. Although I can almost always TEXT, some people can't/won't/don't like texting.

Ugh. Again a late bedtime. Prob not good for me right now. See, I should have been more SUCCINCT!

Oh this was a retarded entry. I should never write when I am sick, on meds, really tired, or drunk. I'm not drunk though. The other three things are true. I'll probably erase this one tomorrow.

Did I stutter? I mean, maybe I did...

2005-08-17T09:02:36Z

I have STREP. I - CANNOT - TALK. Not like the go away in a day kind, the kind that made my molars not grow in when I was 11 so I had to get caps on them. This is the first time I've been on real Penicillin (altough I am QUITE sure Cipro was worse) instead of Amoxycillin or other stuff. It's hell on my stomach, 3x a day. You guys are really going to swear I am a crack ho when you fiinally see me. I hardly stomach ANYTHING. I still have a fever. The soreness is going away but I'm still stuck in the middle of sleep and nausea. So what better to do that get on Garageband and compose some amateur instrumentals to go with some songs I wrote! CUZ OF COURSE as soon as I lose my voice and no one wants me to even breathe near them (esp if they are singers) I get like, TEN legit, label-produced dance inquiries. So here I am , dur, I can't answer the phone cuz I no one can hear me if I answer. These people are like always out of town and when they email, I am at work, or vice versa. We are all music people so we tend to work a long time then crash for many hrs.

God, I really need a mananager. No just a receptionist, LOL. A driver would be nice, when I am sick. I could prob write all this off. OK I could use someone to call/email producers back and tell them what I told them to say. Even IM's not working cuz we're all on at different times. I am getting IDEAS. I mean, I could be voiceless for 7 days, but really my full range (i.e. they very highs and lows) will not bee good for a month. That's FINE for rock/pop, but trance gets belty and heady. Like musicals kinda.

Hmmmm, Pam you wanna be my booking agent? See, that's not conflict of interest...really.... because it's not rock and it's not your boyfriend's band.... it's me solo! You know I am in the hole but maybe while I'm sick and when I work my late jobs you could talk/email to these producers and then plug the band too as an aside (or PUSH it as like a double booking)... I'll "contract" you then you can write stuff off too. I'm going to email you now. Ideas, ideas, late at night feverish sick ideas. TTYL.

Ya'll write a lot

2005-08-16T12:16:32Z

I added some new journal friends to my list. They write a lot. I thought I wrote a lot. They're all like deep and stuff. See but I ramble here. This is my rambling place. I'm "deep and stuff" but not for Internet strangers to see and then send me wacko emails trying to analyze ME - when I was the psych major and can do that pretty well myself.

I could easily make a very structured essay. But I choose to ramble and be retarded here. I don't want the whole world to know what REALLY goes on ALL the time in my life. So this is my silly/self-centered/political/musical journal. Not like a REAL journal. Because I would not let anyone read that, if I had one, which I don't, because, duh, people (boyfriends) read them.

So I wrote in code for a long time then I just started writing poems that were obscure... then that finally led to my writing LYRICS or other kinda spoken-word things. See, that way, you can say stuff but the details aren't available for everyone to know EVERYTHING. Which is why I have probably 100 lyrics now. I'd probably say 20 at MOST could work for a song. The rest.... well pieces of them might get put into a song. Or I'll re-write them all like I just did to half of them the past few months.

YES it's 5 a.m. See I TOLD you once I got used to getting up at 5 a.m., I would have a problem with my sleep patterns again. I got used to it. Then I didn't work there anymore. Then I do this other job (my own company, actually) where it's, like, ALL NIGHT once a week then maybe a few hours during the week, but always night. Now I am used to being up all night again. It doesn't help that my throat hurts so bad I can't sleep. Or my dog just ran around all freaking out for an hour with little tiny like whisper-barks like an earthquake was gonna happen or something. Then she ate all her food that was leftover in her dish, used her potty, and fell asleep. I guess whatever she was hearing left.

OK I AM REALLY going to bed now. I'm taking my Xanax for real now! ( I don't get that Xanax hangover everyone says they get. I'm totally fine as soon as I wake up. Sometimes I don't even feel the med itself. Maybe it's because I NEED it and some people who DON'T need it take it. Y'know? Like I don't ever feel high off the stuff. Like, ever. It just works on me like it's supposed to. So you all who are getting high off it are making it really hard for those of us who NEED it to get it...because docs think we ALL are like you. Thanks!)

OK - SEMI NEW JOURNAL

2005-08-16T10:54:03Z

OK I think I finally deleted all the entries I felt were just...old. I kept quite a few. I ALSO kept my VERY OLD archives, because I don't want to erase those. Those are like an old scrapbook or something. So this is officially a new journal. Kinda. I still have to clear out old Yahoo Group messages but that can happen at a later date...

I'm reposting lyrics

2005-08-16T10:31:58Z

I just like this one, and I lost the CD:

View From Heaven
by Yellowcard

i'm just so tired
won't you sing me to sleep
and fly through my dreams
so i can hitch a ride with you tonight
and get away from this place
have a new name and face
i just ain't the same without you in my life
late night drives, all alone in my car
i can't help but start
singing lines from all our favorite songs
and melodies in the air
singin life just ain't fair
sometimes i still just can't believe you're gone

and i'm sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven,
maybe we'll make it through one more year
down here

feel your fire,
when it's cold in my heart
and things sorta start
remindin' me of my last night with you
i only need one more day
just one more chance to say
i wish that i had gone up with you too

and i'm sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven
maybe we'll make it through one more year
down here
you wont be comin' back
and i didn't get to say goodbye (goodbye)
i really wish i got to say goodbye

and i'm sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven
maybe we'll make it through one more year
i hope that all is well in heaven
cuz it's all shot to hell down here
i hope that i find you in heaven
cuz i'm so...
lost without you down here

you won't be coming back
and i didn't get to say goodbye (goodbye)
i really wish i got to say goodbye

Sick again?

2005-08-16T00:50:01Z

Why now? There's no reason to be sick, I haven't even been AROUND people much. There's nothing I'm subconsciously wanting to avoid doing. In fact, I'd RATHER get out of my house, since I am home all the time now.

Like, practically everything I do is from home now, by myself. A few times a week I have meetings or jobs or rehearsals or errands, doc apprs, singing class, etc., but really I am home so much now.

Where the heck would I have picked up THIS? I wash my hands and use Purel like all the time! I'm one of those germaphobes. Last week it was something weird but didn't last long. OK, so I felt a LITTLE off this past weekend but I totally thought it was allergies because a lot of people had them. Then I woke up today and can BARELY swallow. My throat is soooooo sore. And it moved, like the sore part, moved from sorta really low on my voice box to like the back roof part of my throat. So swallowing anything is almost impossible.

I am pissed because we were supposed to practice tonight (my band), I can't even make a peep and I am PRETTY sure no one else wants to catch this. It feels just like strep because I'm not all sneezy like a cold. Don't know if I have a fever cuz I've been drinking tea all day (even though THAT hurts.)

This is total crap. How come everything I've tried to do for, oh, um, two years has been intercepted by something else? I SWEAR whomever put this voodoo on me better take it off! If I find you, you're dead meat buster!

cami_thoughts @ 2005-08-13T15:38:00

2005-08-13T22:39:02Z

OMG... I have so many entries to delete. have to do them one-by-one. Sorry. I am leaving a few up but essentially this journal is going to start anew.

"Let's start from the very beginning..."

2005-08-13T12:17:05Z

"it's a very good place to start. When you read you begin with A - B- C, when you sing you begin with DO - RE - MI...." ("The Sound of Music.")

I am erasing all my journals (OK, MOST of them... not all), Yahoo Group messages, MySpace blogs (not the messages/comments tho), and even am going to re-do my whole site again.

Why?

Because!

I feel like it!

And also because (though this will never end) I am still categorized by many as merely and "Internet Model." When in fact, I was already singing and acting way before that, stuck some headshots online way back in 1995, and all of a sudden I was offered paid modeling work! I was one of the first few Internet models out there, even though I don't think most people know it - I didn't expand into a great empire like Ms. L. Tran or Ms. D. Ashe... in fact, there were QUITE A FEW "First Internet Models" back then who have disappeared - Heather Bailey, Catwoman (who I do see around sometimes and did have the great honor of meeting a couple years ago, what a cool girl), and some other ladies who have had sites for MANY years who have not disappeared but who also have other interests and "real lives"...Shantelle, Dani Peterson, Arielle Lee, Kim Fisher, Lina So, and Tracy Walker Kincaid.

So not to take importance away from any of the debates or whatnot that went on, I feel there will be new issues I can discuss here soon, and my members of my other groups can as well. People were getting confused going 5 yrs back into my history, so let's just make it easier.

SOOO.... goodbye old journal entries (don't worry, most of the fun candid pics will appear again with a whole bunch more - I will have a page just for fun candid pics/behind-the-scenes pics.) The site will be my solo site but also have my band on it too.

OK get ready for new journal entries, Yahoo Group messages, etc., because I it's all going to be starting almost from scratch! :)

One Tin Soldier

2005-02-02T06:58:28Z

My favorite lyrics of the day, which I hope to be able to sing at gigs someday:

One Tin Soldier (The Legend of Billy Jack)
by Lambert-Potter, sung by Coven , Peter/Paul/Mary and many more

Listen, children, to a story
That was written long ago,
'Bout a kingdom on a mountain
And the valley-folk below.

On the mountain was a treasure
Buried deep beneath the stone,
And the valley-people swore
They'd have it for their very own.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
If you do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

So the people of the valley
Sent a message up the hill,
Asking for the buried treasure,
Tons of gold for which they'd kill.

Came an answer from the kingdom,
"With our brothers we will share
All the secrets of our mountain,
All the riches buried there."

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
If you do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

Now the valley cried with anger,
"Mount your horses! Draw your sword!"
And they killed the mountain-people,
So they won their just reward.

Now they stood beside the treasure,
On the mountain, dark and red.
Turned the stone and looked beneath it...
"Peace on Earth" was all it said.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
If you do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.